April 24, 2009

103 fever last night, no the new meds had nothing to do
with my aches and pains.

My sister attacked my mom yesterday. Really not a sight that
I should see at my state at the moment. Also, my friend A and
I talked so much about suicide last Saturday that it must have
triggered her. She called me yesterday telling me she had taken
a bunch of pills. I tried to help her, but I was so out of it
with my fever and the meds I'm taking.

I told her to call poison control and then call 911 depending on what they say. For some reason I kept thinking in my head that she may not have good insurance, or it would cost a lot to call 911 unless it was necessary. I didn't think she was that unwell. I would have never talked about any of that stuff with her or brought up my situation. Two ill people don't make a good combination. Also, It didn't do me any good either. She knows some gruisome suicide facts...we were comparing notes like two psychos. Definetly not the right combo. She's so lovely and very talented. I initially thought I could help her when she told me she was down because of a break-up, but apprently I have to help myself before I can help anyone else. Also, no matter who I talk to from now on, that subject matter is NOW out of the question.

I didn't feel good when we parted from our meeting. I felt worse and that's not good. She must have felt the same way.

I hope she's okay and that she gets the right help.

Now with the home front. Not sure what's going to happen. Seems like a very common theme around here. Can't even guess what'll happen, so we're back to living hour to hour. My brother-in-law had decided to have my parents move out. He may change his mind is what I've been told. We'll have to wait and see.

I really shouldn't be exposed to any violence. I'm really ultra sensitive. These people can be like animals. People seem to attack the most vulnerable person. I wonder if it's a survival of the fittest thing, and what it's there for.

Ooh poooooooooooooooop, My head is so hot, and so is my mouth.

I found out that they'll give me short term disability. The amount isn't anything that a normal person with an apartment could live by, but it's something. Better than nothing. State disability moves fast. Federal doesn't. I think they'll deny me for the Federal disability, but I won't find out until September.

I hope J is well. This world we live in isn't that important that we stress ourselves out because of it. I'm going to go and drink my frozen vitamin water. Wishing you peace of mind, a healthy body, and a nice journey through what they've named earth.