April 21, 2009 - Life is beautiful...as long as my meds work

It was a good day. Every day is a good day from now on...because otherwise I wouldn't cope. Every day is that day.

Today was difficult in one way especially, but it wasn't a surprise.

I've just gone through so many things that I can only take every hour at a time.

I still feel ill. My medicine makes me feel tired and makes my head hurt a lot. I'm sure that'll stop eventually. My energy is low. I'm not very productive and I can't imagine ever getting back to work. That's today.

My husband won't come live here in the U.S. I completely understand why. We've gone through a lot together and we both need our support systems to cope with it all. Unfortunately, my village of support is different than his, and it happens to be across the Atlantic.

Life is really life...short...I don't think so. But I can't get stressed out...it makes my episodes come out with a vengance. Now it's dangerous because we know that it can 1. make me think and really believe that I'm in another world, and 2. it can lead me to kill myself...so it's quite serious. My mode is only survival right now. I'm lucky that there are drugs that can actually help. Otherwise it's a hell on earth.

My friend told me that her cousin commited s.. He thought he was in a video game.

I miss my best friend J, but he's my best friend...so I want him to be happy. Life isn't short but when you can enjoy it, it's really precious. When you come out of the times that aren't very enjoyable, it's really full of enrichment and wisdom.

Life is beautiful...as long as my meds work.