5/22/09-no more depakote, 2nd day on FISH OIL

Taking 7 1200mg fish oil tabs a day. 3 in the morning, 4 at night.

Had my first dose last night. I felt better after a few hours and feel better today.
Not sure how fast it kicks in.

I'm having my first okay day in a very long time.

I've decided to make the most of it.

I'm a little on the low modivation side.

J lost his job yesterday. Felt sad about that. I'm sure he'll find another one. He's a great person to work with and have around, so I'm sure his old boss will give him a good recommendation.

Still on LITHIUM 1200mg, RISPERADOL- 1mg at night...now added 7 tabs of 1200mg fish oil.

Last night's group meeting was good. The leader is great at veering us in the right direction. A lot of depressed people last night. It's usually a group of fairly stable people. There was a man there who is very suicidal. I hope he comes back next week. Joked after my introduction and my summary of the week. Trying to keep my humor during this process. I'm surprised how easy it is to use it when you're dealing with strangers.

Our group rep made some good points. Everything is relative. We're lucky to live in such a nice part of the world. Also, he asked if I would sell my arm for 2 million dollars, which only made me think...I have enough problems as it is. Don't need another one. I catch his drift.

I hope the Fish Oil really works. Side effects are low and it's known to lower the depression moods.

With everything...we shall wait and see.

Something else that stuck with me. A guy who has been dealing with BP for 31 years was talking and he mentioned that people with Bipolar need to make sure that they prevent as many situations that may cause them hurt. I don't deal very well with being hurt. Regular people have a difficult time dealing with it, but I think he's right...It doesn't help to put one self in a position where you'll be hurt. I just hope that my chemicals are balanced enough where I create an environment for myself that keeps me less prone to getting hurt, or one where I don't get hurt so often.

I wonder about J and I's situation. It's painful to be away from him. I love talking to him and being in touch with him. I miss him. It hurt to be away from my family too. Now I'm with them. That's actually a relief. I just hope that something doesn't have to give. I hope that he saves enough money and he moves here.
I hope that I can lead a life that's low on drama...and I just enjoy the people I love.

Sometimes that's not so easy. People have their different personalities and their own issues...their quirks...something said or done is taken the wrong way. Dealing with relationshihps isn't easy. People who make it look easy must have a nice erray of chemicals.