April 20, 2009 - "It's loud, I'm going mental!"

http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs258/en/

Noise does make you mentally ill. I found a little proof above.

Morning: E-2.5, P-1

I feel much better. No more s thoughts. Had a nice time w/Rita and Eric. They're so calming. They're the opposite of noise. Even the way they both talk is relaxing.
I wish I never lost touch with them, but the problem with this beast of an ailment is that you shut people out. I shut the majority of the people I care about for 5-8 years. I didn't even think anything of it. That's the problem, you don't know what you'll be capable of next. Whether it's the ability to jump into an ocean from a cliff w/hyper joy, or if you'll want to jump off an actual cliff just to get rid of the lack of joy and hope...get rid of the self loathing, lack of self respect, lack of self love, lack of self basically. Hopelessness, feeling worthless, eating too much or too little, low concentration, inability to enjoy all the things you used to enjoy --- is what the ads say...and it can apply to a lot of people, but to what degree? There are different degrees...and the lower you go, you get some extras...like lack of ability to talk, inability to think...let alone concentrate, inability to see any inkling of light at all, lack of sleep or way too much sleep...whatever...the list goes on.

With all that said, I'm going to search the Internet for some incredible ear plugs. Ones that you can't hear a peep through.

CURRENT REGIME:
Lithium - 1200 mg
Wellbutrin - 150 mg
Risperodal - .5 mg at night
Lamictal - 100 mg a day, will move up to 200 mg soon

Hope I don't get hyper. Feeling much better. MUCH better. Doctor says not to look a gift horse in the mouth...because I was worried that I might get kicked off to mania. Really hope not.

Night: E-4, P-1