***4/30/09- 1st night on Topiramate - Topamax 25mg

http://health.yahoo.com/headache-medications/topiramate/healthwise--d04115a1.html

Note to self. Best not to drive the first few weeks while taking this one. Affects vision if there's a side effect.

Note to self. Need more ear plugs or a radio with good headphones.

It's so loud in this house. The baby yells so loud.

I feel like I've lost my life. Starting completely over again.
I'm having trouble enjoying any outings. Need to get out but I have no desire to meet with people. I will push myself to see my cousin. At least it's more quiet there than it is here.

I saw an old woman volunteer at the hospital today. I was there to find out my options regarding health coverage. Options are very limited, but they'll be kind enough to cover my bill from last Friday if I get approved. I envied the old woman. She had lived her life, had a family, knew how to use the internet at her age, and was talking about t.v. shows that she has recorded.

People are so lucky and they don't even know it. It's nice to just be able to enjoy a show without so much effort. When I get better. I won't take it for granted. When I get better.

I was told of a support group in Laguna Beach that takes place every Thursday from
7-9. I had gone to one in the same area years ago. I had gone with my mom. How quickly roles change. She's taking me there tonight. We had gone, but only the support systems of the bipolars had shown that night. No bipolars were there. It was a huff and puff fest. I really hope it's not the same tonight. Afterwards, we'll head over to my cousin's house.

I know A is out of the hospital. I want to give her a call, but I also am not sure if we can be of help to each other right now. I just hope that she's well and that she gets some relief from her symptoms.

It's so difficult to love yourself when you're like this, but if I want my friend to be happy and comfortable in this world, it's only fair for me to want the same for myself. So, with a real rarity, I'll say...I hope I find peace, relief of symptoms, and happiness here.

Listening to harp music. Supposed to be good for lowering stress.